It's been weird...

The long weekend was just that….. I was supposed to go up to see The Balloon Festival and eat the countries best ribs @ The Rib Fest but never made it either yet. I’ve been dragged all over the city and my shin hurts now. Awwwww, someone comfort me, ha! Hahahahaha fuck that, go bug someone else. I am no longer physically wounded.
Thank the hells for a painless victory.

Last night I received a phone call from someone I haven’t talked to in months. Someone I quit speaking to on bad terms and it was a surprise to see their number on my phone. Not only once but twice at 1:48 am. Hmmmm, I’ll admit I’m curious to the reasoning behind the call. However, I never realized the call was made until this morning and I am still unsure what to think of it. I will know soon enough.

I went to a great BBQ/Cookout last night and made a Crab & Spinach Signature Dip and it was so damn yummy. If you know me in person, youve so had my cooking. None the less, umm it’s made up of Cream Cheese, Crab, Garlic, Cilantro, and of course Spinach. Baked in the over for about 25 minutes and you eat it with baked/deep fried pita. Oh Trust me!!! the dip is damn good and can be found at almost every restaurant. Ha I love stealing dish ideas from restaurants. I literally will eat anywhere and punk their signature dish…. Eat it a few times and then I can tell you exactly what goes into it and make it at home. The best thing is mine is always better. Ha, and yes its my ego talking but come on, if you eat my food, you’ll agree.

Ha! Ok, ok, so my most favorite show has its Season Premiere Monday, August 13th…@ 10. I’m excited. Regardless this has been pointless and wow… people come in your life when it is least expected. Two people from the past have (without reason) came back into my life, this should be interesting.

Smartest move I made all summer

I finally can walk again but of course, still wearing the Air Cast. Oh this feels so good to walk again. I little sore but that’ll pass where I can finally get back to my most favored elements. So much on my plate and so little time… ahhh for starters I’m nervous still yet about school and well sort of looking forward to my new found independence. I’ve always been told by the greater people in my life that I’m independant or strong but at times I believe that’s just my exterior shell. – Shrugs- You can be the judge, hell if I care. Moving on. I’ll be going to Buffalo or Detroit in the next week or two and honestly I can’t wait. My girl and I are taking a bus to either destination to kick back with a little back to school shopping. Later mid month I’m up driving up to Toronto to go see a great friend and spend a week there. I’m excited; we’re all going to Canada’s Wonderland. Ha! This month is so packed filled with vacation time, school related appointments, time outside of the country (but not too far outside of the country, yet) and finding myself. But I love it.


Regardless, we all have beef and it can be the juiciest stuff of the night. So I'll give you a sample of what's new. My beef…hmmmmm, I've had a lot going on as of lately and I'll admit it has been going overall real well, better than I could have expected. Single… now more than ever, and on my own for the fall term and my mind is crazy just thinking of the depth of the explanation that’ll bring. The deepest part of it all my ex fiancé and I had a few difficulties on top of previous hardships and I never spoke about it here before and really don’t care to start now. Yeah so, life goes on, friends and men come and go… why keep tabs on life’s shity moments? If you think I’m an ass then leave it be….run along now.

Truth Beneath Broken Glass

I have crossed the muddy waters and passed the bullshit crime scene. I’ve jumped through hoops and climbed the steepest mountains and still no rain. I have surpassed what was has guided me to believe was right and I refuse to hold my hands out when I am about to fall.

I have found something within myself and I will claim its means. In this quiet room the heat sets in and I have never felt so whole and at peace. I listen to music in the distant foreground and I wait. I can hear a pin pong ball that reflects a soft heart beat and the weight slips down my back. I’m done. I am where I should be where I want to be, where I belong. I chase nothing and answer to no one at this time of night and I feel cured, for the time being. I hesitate and glance away from the screen, slightly moving the hair out of my face. I get lost in the thoughts to make a phone call that will bring no security but a slight form of a jaded comfort. But my temptation is not going to enthrall me during this time of greed. I am better than that.

I challenge the taste that lingers on my tongue and my hunger grows deeper, I am in love with passion himself. But passion is not stronger enough to devour me. My bed awaits and I grow founder of the scent and can only whisper my examples of hate. I can feel the urge play with the small of my back and I laugh within the basement of my affections. Life just got better. The storm has passed and tomorrow will bring new light. I’ll rise yet again and thank the Gods I am here.

-sings to self-

I chance no pain and without love I have done no crime. One day you will know I am an illusion inside your mind who has outstayed her welcome. Full grown and profound I dance in my kitchen and sing with enchanted spells. Fear coils my spine as I grow stronger with each ill breathe and clear thought. My scars only make my skin thicker as I sip from your glass. Peace and serenity has gifted me with everything I require to make this trip. A mission I can’t refuse…… I wish you well.

sugar, spice and everything nice

* I am the biggest dork you will ever meet.
* I am said to be bold and aggressive, but nah…. I am a pure softy with a vicious bite
* I don't get jealous or malicious, however revenge is a meal is best served cold
* I read into everything, but once ya burn me I couldn't give a shit what rolls outta your mouth.
* I like cookies with milk and can't say no to chocolate, I eat frozen chocolate every day in tiny bite size pieces.
* I am all about friendship and it means everything to me.
* I am cupid's assistant and a goddess when it comes to relationships
* I got that magic touch.
* My dream job would be in advertising and marketing, I am a night owl and I love the party life. I don't go out much any more. I'm Lame.
* I live at the gym and eat absolutely everything.
* I don't eat while watching a late night movie, all I need is a comfy blanket and one dime light somewhere other than the screen.
* I refuse to eat in a car.
* I love anyone who has killed a spider for me, Thank You.
* I love night driving, and can't sleep in a moving car (unless sick)
* I am all about balance but don't live a fair lifestyle.
* I am a tit for tat, kind of girl. ALL or NOTHING at all.
*My love is dancing

Life, in a nut shell...

When I was a little girl I had always thought my life was a story pieced together in a book that was being read to a crazy bunch of strangers made up of women, children, men and their dogs. When I would walk down the street I’d smile at everyone as if they knew who I was at one point in their life. Even though deep down I knew my story was still unfinished I had to make the best efforts and let the people around me know I was in good hands.

I’d wake up every morning thinking about those people who would be listening to everything I was doing even when I was grounded for silly things, or perhaps boring things such as watching me draw pictures under a tree or sitting on a curb. Complete with my backpack and headphones as I would draw, I often felt odd and uncomfortable with people always knowing what I did so scraped the artwork and I began to write stories and chapters about my friends and I won’t lie… at times I did create make believe people in my life to explore an experience I wasn’t given the luxury to have.

However, not all the people I ‘created’ was a scripted piece of my imagination, oh no! Some of my characters who often kept me company and entertained were all too familiar with my desires of “not wanting them there” but they kept coming back asking questions that grew to bother me. Society calls this attraction and a negative one at that… so out of sight out of mind is how I was raised from that point forward. I spent a lot of time looking in mirrors claiming to only see me. I’d talk to myself and memorized every smile, smirk, frown, and the shape & scent of my tears that I owned. I grew to recognize my face everywhere, and became very comfortable with my voice.

I now own a fine collection of loose chapters based on my friends and I was told I live my passions through other people’s experiences. That’d be so unfair, not only to me but to them as well stealing their experience? Hmmm I am cautious and I play it safe for the most part but I am far from shy and prefer to live life spontaneous and profound.

- spins in chair-

I have said all I can say right now because I am very much distracted, all I can think about is food and how my food might be burning while I sit and type… so with that being said that’s all for today and I will sit down again soon if I don’t find this too challenging to keep up with. I have a lot coming up and I hope to find comfort in a journal. You know, they say friends are therapy for poor people… we will see how the next session goes.